When I get old I will be...

I just may forget where that place is from where I'm standing...

When I get old I will be many things, I will be wiser and probably shorter, perhaps more kind and understanding of the needs of myself and others around me, I will be more respectful of people who've been old at other times in history...when they were simply put to the side or sat on a stump repeating the stories they've heard and told all of their lives.

When I get old I will try to remember what it was like to be young and have everyone, who's older, tell you what to do, who to be, and how to live (and show them what could happen to them if they don't listen--I will set a perfect example).

When I get old I will hang whatever I want around my home to express the things I love and need to feel at home in this uncertain universe, tangible is key.

When I get old I will still try to play with the children, so they aren't so afraid of getting old themselves, that's a scary thing for those cute little guys.

When I get old I will laugh at age...

When I get old I will

• Blame them all on Senior Moments (right now insanity is my only excuse)
• Be bold and say whatever is on my mind, not concerned with the WTF's I get
• Tell arrogant men they are annoying
• Pat cute guys on the behind and wink at them
• Tell snobby women how beautiful they are, "too bad age will take care of that...you poor thing"
• Tell people how much cuter my kids were than their's are

When I get old I will . . .

• Become very hairy because no body I know is going to tweeze it all ... or shave it A- L- L for me
• Become and eagle, I'm already sprouting wings on the backs of my arms
• Figure out what is happening to the skin on my neck . . . NOW
• Wear a great fitting, padded bra so people will wonder how I kept them up so well
• Let them hang and use them for knee pads when I garden, (isn't motherhood a blessing)
• Wear the ends of my hair gray and just dye the roots
• Wear super bold lipstick so people have to stare at it while I try to remember what I was saying
• Wear two pair of depends at the same time: one for laughter, one for sneezing
• Find out if they make depends for g-strings, so I can still "flash" my sexy undies
• Wear bathroom spray as perfume, it's cheaper
• Wear big earrings so I can use them as key chains (senior moments)
• Have several sets of teeth for different events, and so I can always find a pair if I misplace them
• Leave a set of teeth on the dashboard so I don't leave home without them
• Have magnifying glass installed in my car so I can still wear fashionable shades

When I get old I will . . .

• Start smoking so I can look cool, and so I can see if I can still get hooked before I die
• Chew gum, the put it and my teeth on a plate in the refrigerator so I can save them for the next day
• Fill an old bathtub with birdseed so I don't have to do it every day
• Intentionally burn the back of every shirt I own  with an iron, just to make people wonder
• Invite squirrels into my home to keep the cats busy
• Have more than two glasses of red wine in one day: one w/ breakfast, one w/ lunch, so I can enjoy the buzz longer . . . then go out in public and flash my creepy teeth at people
• Finally enjoy a dark quiet night of sleep
• Camp out in the cemetery overnight so I can see what it's like . . .

 HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE?